"Tell me a secret" he said quietly, the emerald circle in the center of his eyes holding my icy irises in thrall. The hubbub of the restaurant faded; the sound of desperate actors, hungry patrons, arcade games disappearing until all I could hear was the rushing of the blood in my veins, and the pounding of my suddenly racing heart. I fidgeted with my pen, feeling it flick between my fingers, a concrete mirror of the thoughts in my head.
Looking into his eyes I caught his gaze, "I don't have anymore." I murmured, quickly looking away again, unable to withstand the intensity of his gaze, "You know them all." Out of the corner of my eyes I saw him smile, I saw The Smile, that facial contortion that I knew so well. He had his victory, his sense of accomplishment and I, for the first time in our friendship, had my fear.
What would happen now, now that he knew everything about me? Would he lose interest, find a new vessel of chaos to entertain him? I stared deep into the bubbles of carbonation in my soda, watching them fizz and disappear; could I handle losing him? That thumping in my ears returned, a constant rhythmic message, "you've lost, you've lost, you've lost" my heart seemed to say, the very seat of my affection denying me connection.
I raised my eyes, feeling the seconds tick into minutes and then stretch themselves into hours. Then the laugh, the laugh that I knew, that I hungered for, the laugh that broke the temporal tyranny of my own thoughts. "Good" was the sole reply.
I felt relief, of a sort; and pain, of a sort. Now that I'm completely stripped of my armor, what happens? I guess time will tell, and time is what we have. Summer drags on, Fall holds a promise of geographical proximity, and with that closeness, the threat of even less armor.
22 June 2010
12 June 2010
Interjection Alpha
Not a real blog post this morning, more an aside to the world of the internet. GO SEE THE A-TEAM!!! I went to go see it with two of my friends last night and it was freaking amazing.
Another aside. Apparently tonight I'm running around Grand Rapids with a nerf gun shooting zombies. More on this later.
Ciao!
P.S. Comment people! I'm not writing to see my own words on the screen!
Another aside. Apparently tonight I'm running around Grand Rapids with a nerf gun shooting zombies. More on this later.
Ciao!
P.S. Comment people! I'm not writing to see my own words on the screen!
10 June 2010
Insanity Rising
Shadows run darkling,
twisting and skittering through
a psyche
scared of light.
Latching onto fragments
of song
and fractured memories.
Where is their shepherd?
Why has he abandoned his charges,
leaving shadows to be
consumed
by dark.
Perhaps he too has
heard the call.
The sanguine sounding
of the amaranthine will.
Calling denizens of my mind
to war.
Sound and
silence.
Light and the absence thereof
collide.
Slivers of cacophony
and
phrases of color
are the offspring of conflict.
Insanity is the war-child
product of a mind's behemoth strife.
Clothed in genius She rises,
her nascent glory still shrouded
by fragments of her rocky birth.
Insanity rising,
spread forth your midnight wings.
Cover me in your shadow
and at long last
give
me
peace.
twisting and skittering through
a psyche
scared of light.
Latching onto fragments
of song
and fractured memories.
Where is their shepherd?
Why has he abandoned his charges,
leaving shadows to be
consumed
by dark.
Perhaps he too has
heard the call.
The sanguine sounding
of the amaranthine will.
Calling denizens of my mind
to war.
Sound and
silence.
Light and the absence thereof
collide.
Slivers of cacophony
and
phrases of color
are the offspring of conflict.
Insanity is the war-child
product of a mind's behemoth strife.
Clothed in genius She rises,
her nascent glory still shrouded
by fragments of her rocky birth.
Insanity rising,
spread forth your midnight wings.
Cover me in your shadow
and at long last
give
me
peace.
08 June 2010
Flashes of Lucidity
Listening to: "Blame It On the Girls" by MIKA
I apologize that I've been remiss in updating this blog, gentle readers. Life has been a combination of too interesting to process and too boring to chronicle which I know might seem contradictory at its core but trust me, somehow my life makes it work. But right now it's half two in the morning, I'm not tired in the slightest, and I've got the urge to write so interesting or not you get to hear about my life.
Recently I've been living with two of my friends from M.E.L., Shawn (familiarly known as Shwashwa) and Zach, which means I've gotten little sleep, had lots of fun, and cooked a lot of bastardized meals. Also I would like to add that while sleeping on a couch may be canon to the college experience, it is not conducive to a good night's rest, especially when you leave the windows open to combat the oppressive heat and it rains during the night and you get wet. That made for a fun Memorial Day. I have to say; I love my boys. These two never fail to make me smile on a bad day, deliver hugs at the most opportune moments, and make me snort soda out my nose with laughter.
In other news, I started looking at attending culinary school here in Grand Rapids. There's a really good one through the local community college, and it's a two year program, so I'd be done at 24, which isn't too terribly bad. I've been feeling a little put out recently about the fact that the vast majority of my high school class graduated this year, and that my St. John's friends all walked with their orange and black beribboned diplomas last month. Being 22 and having only the most flickering sense of direction can sometimes be dauntingly vague, but, I feel like I'm navigating it pretty damn well.
I told you that I would mention good books that I had read, and in this entry I intend to deliver! Shwashwa had me read The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky this week, and it was arguably the best book I have read this year. Touted as the new Catcher in the Rye, Perks is written in the form of an epistolary, with the author of its internal letters a young man using the nom de plume "Charlie" who writes of his freshman year in high school. At times "awww" inducing and at times cringe-creating, this tale of the traditional high school woes is written in an uncharacteristically frank style, with Charlie's innocence coloring the tales with the touch of an ingenue, an innocent who believes himself yet untouched by the world, and who suddenly finds that the deluge of reality came earlier than he expected it to. I cannot recommend this book highly enough. I've since reread it, and it only gets better the second time around.
I think that's enough early morning rambling for me, dear friends, so I will bid you bonne nuit and retire to my couch for a few hours of restless rest. As always my friends; may the ink in your pen run smoothly, the music in your head be pleasing, and may you always get your happy ending.
-Ari- a.k.a. Your Friendly Neighborhood Insomniac
I apologize that I've been remiss in updating this blog, gentle readers. Life has been a combination of too interesting to process and too boring to chronicle which I know might seem contradictory at its core but trust me, somehow my life makes it work. But right now it's half two in the morning, I'm not tired in the slightest, and I've got the urge to write so interesting or not you get to hear about my life.
Recently I've been living with two of my friends from M.E.L., Shawn (familiarly known as Shwashwa) and Zach, which means I've gotten little sleep, had lots of fun, and cooked a lot of bastardized meals. Also I would like to add that while sleeping on a couch may be canon to the college experience, it is not conducive to a good night's rest, especially when you leave the windows open to combat the oppressive heat and it rains during the night and you get wet. That made for a fun Memorial Day. I have to say; I love my boys. These two never fail to make me smile on a bad day, deliver hugs at the most opportune moments, and make me snort soda out my nose with laughter.
In other news, I started looking at attending culinary school here in Grand Rapids. There's a really good one through the local community college, and it's a two year program, so I'd be done at 24, which isn't too terribly bad. I've been feeling a little put out recently about the fact that the vast majority of my high school class graduated this year, and that my St. John's friends all walked with their orange and black beribboned diplomas last month. Being 22 and having only the most flickering sense of direction can sometimes be dauntingly vague, but, I feel like I'm navigating it pretty damn well.
I told you that I would mention good books that I had read, and in this entry I intend to deliver! Shwashwa had me read The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky this week, and it was arguably the best book I have read this year. Touted as the new Catcher in the Rye, Perks is written in the form of an epistolary, with the author of its internal letters a young man using the nom de plume "Charlie" who writes of his freshman year in high school. At times "awww" inducing and at times cringe-creating, this tale of the traditional high school woes is written in an uncharacteristically frank style, with Charlie's innocence coloring the tales with the touch of an ingenue, an innocent who believes himself yet untouched by the world, and who suddenly finds that the deluge of reality came earlier than he expected it to. I cannot recommend this book highly enough. I've since reread it, and it only gets better the second time around.
I think that's enough early morning rambling for me, dear friends, so I will bid you bonne nuit and retire to my couch for a few hours of restless rest. As always my friends; may the ink in your pen run smoothly, the music in your head be pleasing, and may you always get your happy ending.
-Ari- a.k.a. Your Friendly Neighborhood Insomniac
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